~Okay :)

I do my best to save myself
But I don't have the time to save nobody else
I tune out voices when they talk
I say I care, but Babe, I never walk the walk
I got no job, I got no dream

I'm black or white, but I can't stand the in between

And now I'm confused on top of it all
I was ready to lose, and ready to fall
And there's something about the way that you look at me
It makes it feel okay
You make it feel okay

I'm self-absorbed, and I don't care
I'm all bruised up, and I don't think that life is fair
I build up walls no one can climb
And I tear them down, this process takes up all my time

And now I'm confused on top of it all
I was ready to lose and ready to fall
But then something about the way that you look at me
It makes it feel okay
You make it feel okay

La de da da da ah ah
La de da da da ah ah
Ah ah ah
Ah ah ahhhh ah
La de da da da ah ah
La de da da da ah ah
Ah ah ah
Ah ah ahhhh ah

And now I'm confused on top of it all
I was ready to lose and ready to fall
But then something about the way that you look at me
It makes it feel okay
You make it feel okay
You make it feel okay
You make it feel okay

~here's to mister hong kong! hehe

~They;ll be tearing us apart, maybe moving us to Mars

Somewhere up above the stars
The wreckage of a universe floats past
Somewhere up above my heart
A tiny little seed is sown, a government is overthrown,
Who knows when we'll be coming home at last

And I heard it on the radio that one day we'll be living in the stars
And I heard it on a TV show that somewhere up above and in my heart
They'll be tearing us apart, maybe moving us to Mars
We won't see the earth again
And the seconds just remain unchanged

8 to 9, 9 to 10
We are meeting for the first time
We might never meet again, you and me
We are meeting for the first time can't you see
7 6 5 4 3
We are meeting for the first time
Singing this space symphony

They'll be tearing us apart, maybe moving us to Mars,
Past the satellites and stars, they're moving us to Mars

Nothing can comfort you like Coldplay can.
WOoOoooRRRRDDDD!!

And ran, as fast as she can

Swimming her way,
In a sea of confusion,
While asking herself,
Why did it all happen?

Searching her way,
for familiar faces,
Hoping that they,
Would spare her with answers

But familiar faces,
had problems of their own,
Had no time,
for a silly girl

A silly girl,
who's submerged in her own world,
of the shimmering stars,
she wishes to be

So she put on her tracking shoes,
Stormed out the door,
and ran,
as fast as she can

Away from the comfort she depended on,
Away to be alone,
Away to search for clarity,
the answers on her own

As the sun shines upon her,
As she was running,
a warm presence followed her,
wherever she went

Up the hill,
Down the road,
across the small stream,
wherever she went.

And so she stopped running,
and stared at it,
while asking,
who it was.

It stood there,
staring back at her,
in silence,
without a word

and that was when
everything started making sense,
when all confusion,
disappeared into thin air,

that was when,
she found the answers she was looking for,
and was what made her,
smiling to her chubby cheeks once more.

Ayah once said,
it's never wise to be too dependent,
And i shall not allow myself,
to be in such a vulnerable state ever again

When something that confuses you happens,
And it makes you uneasy, always remember that,
you yourself is always your problem,
and you yourself is always your solution

I almost slipped again that day,
But that's what small slips do to you,
They'll make you remember,
of that one great fall you've once experienced

And that presence was destined by God's will,
to be there for the silly girl that day,
That significant presence,
reminded her to not fall again.

It was her shadow that followed her all the way,
And it will always be there,
for as long as she allows a speck of light,
to shine on her, wherever she roams.
Wherever she roams.

~But we are marching, on and on, oh marching

By the magical works of randomness,
i came across this song,
and i do not know why and how,
but it did make me feel like weeping..
lol.. Sappy mode :P
Surely got to the very core, this one..

Anywho..
have a grand saturday you guys! :)

We're running out of time

Have you ever just wondered sometimes, of the reason why we're here in the first place? Why are we living and breathing God's air? What is life? What is the essence of life?

Ojo did ask me once about the essence of life, and i told him that we're living here to prove something to Allah. To prove our faithfulness to the All-Mighty. And then he asked me again, if thats the case, why this kind of life? Why put us with other people? Why couldn't we be tested in a world where we're alone? The moment he asked that, a sudden surge of random thoughts waved through my mind. And before i could answer his question, he went on with what he thought about it and said,

"I personally think the reason of having each other is so that we can create an impact. We could affect one another in ways that could help and pull as many people as we can to God's path"..

and that got me thinking.

I believe the efforts we make every second of our lives is to achieve the ideal condition we perceive as perfection. And perfection varies among individuals. Whats perfect to me, may not be perfect to you. And whats perfect to you, may not be perfect to me. BUt how would we know whats perfect to us? HOw would we know whats good for us if we're not exposed to other alternatives? If we're not exposed to other examples? How would we know whats right for us if not for the mistakes that have been done before us? With each other, we can.

Life is always simple. It is. Perhaps its not as easy as simplicity might portray it to be, but it is most definitely simple. Its like a drawn picture on a painting canvas u know, framed by the black and white of whats right and whats not. Simple. Whats not easy is for us to colour it in and produce a beautiful picture. Thats the challenge. And we need different colours to do that. We need to understand different colours, different kind of strokes, all working hand in hand for one beautiful picture of perfection. Ojo was right about impact. He was right about helping each other. We need each other. Thats why we were not meant to be alone. But, are we helping each other?

We do help each other. But what ive been noticing is how we tend to help those who are no different from us more than those who are. We set out too many gaps in between us simply to feel secured. To be at comfort. I can't help but to admit, being around those who are like u is comforting. But then you'd only be colouring your canvas with one tone of colour. You won't be able to learn what other colours may offer. You're missing out. And in this short life, you gotta make the best out of it. You cant afford to miss out on anything..

I tend to learn more from ones who are totally different from me. Take my bestfriends as examples, Syahirah, Syakirah, and Elissa. Even by looking at the four of us, people can tell straight away that we're different from one another. Ojo and i are totally different from one another, but ive learned a lot from him. Same goes with my classmates. I learned quite a lot from the chinese and indians. Its because we're different from one another that allows us to complete each other and become better people. Its a golden opportunity! Lemme give you examples. Past year papers. Why must you keep it among your own race? Study groups. Why must it be among the same race? Why? Imagine if these gaps aren't there, and we're here to help each other, everybody, as a whole. Imagine the things we would achieve by now. Our whole class might excel altogether instead of just a group of us. Wouldn't that be something awesome?

Unfortunately, many of us are blinded by our comfort zones, or perhaps afraid to step out. What are we afraid of? Others taking advantage on us? Reality check number one. Get down the pedestal and open your eyes. There are other bigger fish to catch out there, together, than being paranoid of people wanting to take advantage on you. Reality check number two, Before u come up with stupid assumptions like these, have you ever taken the right time to get to know these other people first? no. Instead you go with the effed up mentality thats been inherited eversince cavemen found fire, and decided to prolong that. Reality check number 3, if you're gonna blame the government for this, i say you're as stupid as how you portray the gov is being, no offence. I simply dont see the logic in this at all.

We live to build bridges, not walls. We live to learn. We live to prove. And living with each other is an advantage. Lets start taking it as one. we're running out of time.

You can never replace anyone

I've been watching a whole lot of movies lately. Before Sunset was one of them, played by Ethan Hawke. I wouldn't say its anything bombastic, the whole movie was about these two characters talking to each other after 10 years of not meeting each other. And when i say the movie was about these two characters TALKING, i do really mean just TALKING lol. But the content of their conversation is something everybody can relate to i think, and there were a few things the girl said that made me go somethin' like, "hey, i actually feel the same way!" lol. The girl in that movie, Celine, said.. "You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made up of such beautiful specific details"

Yes, here's another relationship-related post, so no need to wear your brain boaster caps today lol :P When i heard that line, it made me think of my past relationship affairs. They're no longer with me, true, and everytime i meet someone new, they'll always be better than the previous ones, but none of them can really replace any one of them. Not as a whole. I feel like writing about them this time, just to record it down lol

Mister ACT

Ahh this guy haha He just caught my attention the very first glance i had on him lol. Instant reaction lol. He's most definitely the funniest crush i've ever had. I dont think anyone i've met can ever top him in that particular trait. And it was with him, that i kinda had my teenage-depressing-puppy love epic hahahaha we used to swap things, me and him, it was not defined by any status or anything, it was never definite lol always beyond the clouds, along with 'what ifs' and unsureness. But everything was just simple though. But perhaps too simple became the problem too and So yea, things didn't work out. But one thing i do admire about this dude, is his heart. He has that pure, naive, untainted heart that just shines over everybody around him. A kind of shine, no other can replicate. hmm.. :)

The Jock

A skinny kind of jock, yes hahaha! But i dont think he's skinny any more :P This dude, had the looks, he's an athlete, a basketball star but def not a nerd if you know what i mean. He ain't a nerd back in the school days, but he is one now i think. He's doing pretty well, too. I can't be anymore proud of him. We started off as best friends for like 4 years or so, and i guess its coz he's my best friend that things just kicked off on its own lol. And he would be THE PERSON, i've had my longest phone conversation with in my whole entire life. Yes. There was once, we talked from like 10pm till 6 in the morning bahaha yea, 0.001% of what NSTP had to pay that month would be the bills for this :P He's also the one i've had my longest relationship with, and that was just like a year and a half. Yes, i haven't been that successful in relationship wise, if ya know what i mean. It ain't about options though, that has never been a problem. But they just dont stay long ya know? I dont stay long lol. So we didn't make it till the end. But what i do like in him though, is his humble-ness. After years of knowing him, i've never heard anything boastful coming from him. Not one single thing. And he'd always consider what his family thinks of things before he proceeds with anything. He rarely proceeds without his family's consent, and thats something i dont see in everybody ya know. we're good friends, still. Same
goes with mister ACT, and i feel grateful to still have them around :)

The young boy with huge ambitions

Truthfully, there weren't many 'check's on my check list for this guy on our first meet. If we were to meet, just like that, i wouldn't say i'll be attracted to him. But what actually did though, was how he appreciated me in the begining. He speaks of me as if i'm something sacred, like i'm so special to him. And I knew he wasn't lying, and to know someone can appreciate me that way, was just.. i dont know how to say this huhu. And i think i fell in love with that idea more than in him too much for my own good huhu.. won't be getting that with just anybody. Of course, that faded, it only lasted for like a month or so, and the remaining time together was just trying to keep at par with that. we did't work out at all, and that cost me the worst depression of my life lol. ANd he's the only ex that i'm no longer close with. And i think its better that way :) Still, thats one trait i find hard to be replaced by just anybody.

Dr Cheesy

bahaha i love teasing him :) and no, he ain't one of my exs. I'm not gonna say much about this one here coz there's a need for anticipation-building in this one hahaha :P But, just so he knows, i knew he was irreplaceable as well, the moment he left me four years ago :)

And as for the rest of the dudes on my list that i didn't mention, you guys are special in your ways too. But if i were to talk about you guys as well, i might have like a novel or somethin lol. OKay, not that there are THAT many.. but u know how i tend to not stop once i start blabbering.. yea lol.

"I feel I was never able to forget anyone I’ve been with. Because each person had their own… specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost. Each relationship, when it ends, really damages me. I never fully recover. That’s why I’m very careful with getting involved, because… It hurts too much..Even getting laid… I actually don’t do that… I will miss of the person the most mundane things. Like I’m obsessed with LITTLE THINGS. Maybe I’m crazy but… when I was a little girl, my mom told me that I was always late for school. One day she followed me to see why… I was looking at chestnuts falling from the trees rolling on the sidewalk, or ants crossing the road… the way a leaf cast a shadow on a tree trunk… LITTLE THINGS. I think it’s the same with people. I see in them little details, so specific to each of them, that move me, and that I miss, and… will always miss. You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made of such beautiful specific details."

- Before Sunset

Have an awesome wednesday! ;)

~I have your love on call, and yet my day is not so full

I ran away from you
That's all I ever do
And though I started here
I ran away from you

I'm gonna come on in
And see it through

I ran away from you
That's all I ever do

And when I heard you call to
Come back to me
And though I should stay
I don't have the stomach to

Everyone I know
Says I'm a fool to mess with you
Everyone I know
Says it's a stupid thing to do

I have your love on call
And yet my day is not so full
There might be nothing left to do
So I ran away from you

I'm gonna come on in
My eyes are closed

I can feel it there
The sun's so close
I'm gonna come on out
And burn the sky

A star arose in my own cage
I'm stuck in line
And in a cage

Just a single star
I sing for

Everyone I know
Says I'm a fool to mess with you
Everyone I know
Says it's a stupid thing to do

I have your love on call
And yet my day is not so full
And I did not know what to do
And so I ran away from you

-