Today

Today,
I saw a spark of sense,
I felt again what i've been missing for months perhaps,
and that is myself..
Myself being young.

I had to do a lot of pushing,
it needed a lot of strength,
But today gave me hope,
that I might get thru this just fine..

Today brought me to see a lot of things,
I met a family who's bond is like no other,
Funny how each of them have their own problems,
and yet they're there for each other,
and who glues them together?
The mother.
I admire the mother.
So much.
I admire mothers who can talk to their kids as a friend and a mother.
Because i know not all mothers can do that..

I miss my family..
I feel distant from them..
Not because I pushed them away,
But i guess they just don't know how to approach me,
when i'm facing with problems of my own,
truthfully speaking,
they have never approached me,
21 years of living,
and i believe i'd always find solutions on my own..
Every single time.
They supported me along the way though,
oh Ya Allah, yes they have,
and i'm so grateful for that..

But with the current situation,
I thought being around,
when they can't do much about it,
would just make them more sad,
and so I left for a day..
I left everything..
and I'm glad i did..

Today made me see my true opinions on happiness,
And i dont believe possessions would do it,
I live not to earn money,
For i know that wouldn't make me happy..
But I live to earn experiences,
to gain knowledge,
and to appreciate the beauty of His creations..
I was asked if i were to choose between living with a datuk who's gatal tapi a millionaire,
and a petani who loves me for who i am tapi miskin, who would I choose?
I would most definitely go with the petani.
Maybe it would seem a bit cliche to believe in true love,
Maybe its safer for me to be a bit more skeptical,
and i'd be poor and uncomfortable, can i bear with that?
Its going to be hard, true.
But from my significant other,
I need someone who can guide me, appreciate me, respect me and love me for who i am and for the right reasons,
Itu je.
I can work with being poor, both of us can if we really want to make things work,
I dont need to dine in a fancy restaurant,
I dont need big cars, and huge bungalows to live in,
But i can't live with someone who can't appreciate me..
I'd rather be alone i think.. huhu

Of course, partnership would only be like 40-50% of the total happiness you should aim for,
the rest is up to your ownself to find.
And one reliable way to gain this,
is to set your heart straight,
your mind right,
and do things for the right reasons,
for Him,
and you actually mean it.
InsyaAllah, ultimate happiness will come to you.

I'm not sure whats to happen tomorrow,
This glimpse of hope may just disappear in the morning,
Things may be horrible again,
Its been that way,
the moment im about to stand up again,
something will slap me back to the ground..
As usual..
and so I'm expecting the usual,
The morning ache,
the tears,
and then i should be off for another adventure.. :)
Pray for me.. :)