Last bits of being 21 :(

At the very last bits of my 21st year of living, here are unsaid things to certain people whom i wish to say, but either haven't gotten the time to do so, haven't gotten the chance, or the guts..yet lol So here goes :)

- You are right. You deserve to be happy, and i hope he is making you happy :) If there is a speck of guilt anywhere in there towards me, let it go, for i have made peace with it hehe and plus, i think the both of you make an awesome match, way more awesome than him and i could ever be. But regardless of how he tells you he ain't gonna leave you, or that you're the perfect person for him that he has ever met, don't let them words get to you. I'm not saying he's lying or anything, but its a fact that people come and go whether they like it or not, want to or not, and i think you already know this the hard way? :) Its safer for us girls to keep some cards to ourselves, especially in uncertain situations like this. Take good care of yourself okay? and as for you yourself, remember that you can be whomever you believe you are. So believe in the best, and insyaAllah you'll be at your very best. Haf faith kay :)

- As for you, i have nothing much to say, but thank you. Thank you for everything. You have wonderful people around you especially your siblings, and although you have your own subtle ways of showing that you care, i know you love them very much. But here's the thing, they're not gonna be there forever. So spare some time with them, too. Real quality time, like you used to when we're together. Although they don't show this, too, but i have a feeling that they miss you :) Heard you might be going to Dubai? All the best in that, and in life. Take good care of her, and just.. be happy :)

- I've experienced two weeks of working life, and now i kinda get what you mean when it is a whole bore and you will have no time for anything else. True, exams tade la kan, whoopy for us yang commitee club anti-exams ni hahaha but having to always dragg myself to get out of bed in the morning, and alll exhausted when i reach my room is NOT something to look forward to haha. I'M TERRIFIED!!! But ya know whats good about loonggg boring days like these? It'll only take 5 minutes to flip it into a colourful one. Like the other day, i had a twelve hour session of pure LAB work, and a 30 second look at a fresh viable fetus that was still attached to its placenta just made my day :) Of course you ain't gonna get THAT everyday, but im just saying it ain't impossible hehe. It may be a fetus for me, but it could be a drawing of one of your clothing designs for you, or a song you stumbled on on youtube. It doesn't have to be BIG and bombastic pon. Find these small, priceless moments in your days. Make them significant :) Goooodluck!!

- To clear a mess, find yourself a broom. Not more crap. I dont know you that well, true. But, from afar i say you're wasting your time maximizing the drama that you've already put yourself in. Like i once said, you're young, and there's so many things out there for you to focus on. Now is the time to live YOUR life, focusing on things that will benefit YOU, and your future.. :)

- When you asked me what i want for my upcoming birthday, the only thing that i want from you is to get to know you. Funny how after living with you for 21 years, its still as if i don't know you that much. True, i envy how you can spend quality time with the other two, but we seldom do. It's not wholly your fault. It could be my fault too, for not initiating anything. But regardless of however we are now, i hope you know that I love you soo much. I do. I wish things will get better between us. I've been praying for that everyday..

- The easiest way for good company to turn bad, is with words, or by the things you say. There's also a thin line between joking, and being rude, and its always wise to think first before you make any retarded comments about anything. Sometimes, thats just who you are, and people would just have to accept you the way it is. But it won't hurt to try and minimize the damage that you may cause. No, im not mad at you, but people will start to not take you seriously if you're not careful. Cheers :)

- Truth is darlin', you're one of the most amazing girl i've ever known in my life, and i think its partly that way because of me, too hahaha :P Insecurities is good to have when you wanna improve yourself, but its never good to keep if it kills your self esteem. You're capable of doing so many things, you're capable of being so many things, and all that will happen when you believe in yourself. Its not easy to satisfy everybody. But as long as you're satisfied with yourself, thats all that matters. If you're not satisfied with yourself, do something, and improve. Improve for the better, and towards Him.. tu paling penting. Love you :)

- You. I wish i could go up to you straight, and tell you how i feel about you still, all this while, all these years. Tell you that it all has never left me, not even one bit, even after i let in all these guys after you. I'm not expecting anything to change, nor am i expecting anything from you for i have a huge feeling that it may not be the same for you. But hey, im not sad if it aint the same. I love how things are between us now. Friends like ever, and no awkwardness :) Cuma i dont wanna live thinking of the what ifs. I dont wanna live thinking how things will be otherwise. I'm afraid of regretting not telling you. But i'm also afraid that things may go awkward if i do, and that'll change things. Basically, i'm just not sure what to do. Yes, this is the only case where i still haven't found the guts to tell, yet hahaha hmmph..

- I miss new york.. so much..

- She loves you. Get your own complications straight already, and stop pushing her away. You might regret it for life.

and here's to the rest. This year has opened my eyes to see things in so many different views, and although things hit its worst this year, it has taught me the most compared to the years before. I love the way things are now. I love myself the most now than ever, and i'm alhamdulillah syukur, happy.. huhu :) It couldn't have been posible without the presence of all of you out there, especially friends, BESTfriends, and family, and of course Allah for allowing all of this to happen. Each moment has its own blessing, and that is why to seal a good future, you gotta cherish with what you have now.. Thank you sooo much for everything. May 22 and years to come bring more meaning.. insyaAllah. Doakan la untuk semua ya :)