Do you know that feeling?

Do you know that feeling?
The one where you want something to happen so badly
You get yourself prepared for it
Put everything else aside,
But in the end,
It does not happen,
and its because of something you can't control,
its because others just dont choose to play that part you want him or her to play,
and it just does not happen?
And when you tell people,
they'll go, "Dont worry, mesti ada hikmah"..
True.. mesti ada, and even you know it,
but u can't help yourself but to want to slap that person's face
for being so optimistic,
and feeling good,
when at that freaking moment,
you can't feel as good as that person..
And whatever the hikmah is,
that bitter feeling of wanting to just throw everything around the house
is still there.
Burning.

Do you know that feeling?
Where you tell yourself that its the little things that matters,
So just be happy with it,
but when LITTLE things do start to matter,
some just ticks you off,
and how you wish it to not matter so much to you,
how you wish you can be composed about it,
but its too late,
coz it all matters now..?

Do you know that feeling?
When you're so assure about something,
like so sure!
like you KNOW you like the colour green,
and all of a sudden,
the next morning you wake up,
green seems dull and boring,
that assurance just vaporizes itself like that,
leaving you at a state of lost,
you just lose it,
like youre floating,
and confused?
and demotivated..
and you have all this time in your hands,
to work on fuckin something,
but you dont do anything,
because you DONT FEEL like you want to,
you just DONT KNOW what exactly that you want to do,
and at the same time you're frustrated that you're wasting all this time you have...
FUCK

Do you know these feelings?
Well, I fuckin' hate them.
All of it.
Let me tell you something about me.
As much as i appear strong,
and want to believe that i am stone-cold,
and all cool and lenient..
who's jovial,
smile whenever,
quiet and composed,
crack jokes,
matured (pfftt who am i joking?)
I'm fragile.
I break.
And all this stress from practically,
EVERYWHERE..
its killing me.

Urghhh...