Wednesday, January 26, 2011

~I dont mind your odd behaviour, its the very thing i love :)

I dont mind your odd behavior
Its the very thing I love
If you were an ice cream flavor
You would be my favorite one

My imagination sees you
Like a painting by Van Gogh
Starry nights and bright sunflowers
Follow you where you may go

Oh, Ive loved you from the start
In every single way
And more each passing day
You are brighter than the stars
Believe me when I say
Its not about your scars
Its all about your heart

Youre a butterfly held captive
Small and safe in your cocoon
Go on you can take your time
Time is said to heal all wounds


Like a lock without a key
Like a mystery without a clue
There is no me if I cannot have you

Yea, i kinda got dizzy watchin the girl non-stop spinnin' around, hahahah but i totally love the song. I want it to be on my wedding day. CONFIRM! hahah i might sing it, or have like a dance with my future hubby to this song (awwww hahahahha!), or time potong cake ke, or as the background music to those slideshows they tend to do for weddings kaann??? I hope i'll get the opportunity to dedicate this song to somebody huhu.. enjoy! :)

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

untitled :)

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most...We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

- Marianne Williamson, American author and lecturer

Monday, January 24, 2011

~Its future rust and then its future dust..

So I walked through to the haze
And a million dirty waves
Now I see you lying there
Like a lilo, losing air... air
Black rocks on the shoreline surf
Still that summer I cannot bear
And I wipe the sand from my eyes
It's the Spanish Sahara, the place that you'd wanna
leave the horror, yeah...

Forget the horror here
Forget the horror here
Leave it all down here
It's future rust and then it's future dust

Forget the horror here
Forget the horror here
Leave it all down here
It's future rust and then it's future dust...

Now the waves, they drag you down
Carry you to broken ground
Though I'll find you in the sand
Wipe you clean with dirty hands
So god damn this boiling space
It's the Spanish Sahara, the place that you'd wanna
leave the horror, yeah...

Forget the horror here
Forget the horror here
Leave it all down here
It's future rust and it's future dust
I'm the fury in your head
I'm the fury in your bed
I'm the ghost in the back of your head
Cause I am...
I'm the fury in your head
I'm the fury in your bed
I'm the ghost in the back of your head
Cause I am...
I'm the fury in your head
I'm the fury in your bed
I'm the ghost in the back of your head
Cause I am...

Forget the horror here
Forget the horror here
Leave it all down here
It's future rust and it's future dust

Calm the fury in your head
Calm the fury in your bed
I'm the ghost in the back of your head
Cause I am...
Quiet the fury in your head
Quiet the fury in your bed
I'm the ghost in the back of your head
Cause I am...
Quiet the fury in your head
Quiet the fury in your bed
I'm the ghost in the back of your head

Cause I am.

:: Foals: Spanish Sahara

Thursday, January 20, 2011


I was chattin' with a good friend of mine, and she said..

"I kan, slalu plan by 25, life dah kene stable.."

"Stable in what terms?"

"Oh, macam dah ada a stable job, dah kawen haha with a family and stuff.. "

wow.. 25 for me would be three more years to come. Will i be ready to settle down by then? With a stable job?? and get married??? can you guys actually see me MARRIED in 3 years???? 0_o' lol

Flashbacks :)

Flashbacks. The first time i heard this word was during a read-aloud in 5th grade. We were discussing about the book Ms Pollack was reading to us, and the main character kept on having flashbacks. I've been havin' a lot of flashbacks lately, like my own movie theater in my mind hahahaha psychotic much? and Ive discovered there are a few elements that'll bring us back to some random particular moment in our life. It could be a song, a word, a scene, or a picture. But the most strongest element of em all, would be.. scent. Call me disgusting but ya knowww its THE truth! :P

Apparently, coincidentally, and MIRACULOUSLY.. The laboratory department in HUKM where i was posted for almost a month now SMELLS like the hallways of PS/IS 217, my middle school in New York. I'm not kidding. Even the emergency lane outside on a rainy day smelled like the streets of New York and Paris. And due to allll thisss, my mind kept on rerunning past memories of how it was back then.

School was always somethin' to look forward to back then. I never hated school, or felt like i didn't wanna go (unlike nowadays, i feel like not going to class EVERY SINGLE DAY ahhahaha). I remembered the first day we got our lockers. I was SOOOO EXCITED!! Mine was next to this guy i used to have a crush on.. hahhaha chomell sanaaat :P Anywho, i was soo excited about my locker that i've cut pictures of my fav cartoons and friends to put in the locker. Yea, I used to have a thing for Digimon, Gundam Wing and Sailormoon time tu HAHAHAHAHA. Come on, havin' the power to save the world and transform into all these cool characters, who wouldn't?? hahahaha :P Yeaaa, berani laaa kan kacau aku time show dia start, mmg kene sebijik! I was so fanatic over sailormoon, that i created an RPG website about it, and named it "The Sailormoon Headquarters". Guess how many members i had? over 100! hahahaha i'm no Mark Zuckerberg, but to achieve somethin' like that at the age of 10, over SAILORMOON?, in those days, i must say, i'm quite impressed HAHAHA. So what we'd usually do is, simply BERANGAN. Macam rpg laa, create our own enemy, buat cerita and discuss strategies on how to defeat what.. and considering i was the FOUNDER of the headquaters, i just had to be Sailormoon.. hahahhahahahahahhahaha!!

School started at 8:15 in those days. And my mom would usually wake me up around 6 ish. There was only one room in our apartment, so my sister and I had to sleep on an inflated bed for a year or so lol. So kalau liat je bangun pagi tu, my mom would just deflate the bed, and that'll just spoil my whole morning.. hahahaha. So after i take my bath, and was about to put on my clothes and stuff, i'd usually time it by playing a song on our CD player. No, no back street boys nor spice girls, where a 10 year old at that time should be listenin' to, none of that. Instead, i had on Enya, and Dave Grusin's mountain dance.. HAHAHAHA!! So bile dah sampai part2 tertentu of the song, i know i should be combing my hair, pakai sweater by then.. and bila habes je lagu tu, i should be all ready for school jugak.. and if i was still not ready, i know i'll be late.. hahahahahha yeaaa.. once i'm all done, i'll have breakfast, waffles with maple syrup usually, and my dad would walk us to school... That's how i usually would start my day :)

Life then.. I'd do anythin' to relive even just 10 minutes of it.. huhu Here's Dave Grusin's Mountain Dance hahaha with pictures of New York.. :) eNJOY :)

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm :)

Through strength I found love

In time I found myself in happiness with you


Monday, January 17, 2011

"Asleep, nobody is a hypocrite"

My first week of being 22, and i've learned two life facts.

1. Everybody hates HYPOCRISY.

2. Everybody is a hypocrite.

Hahaha no surprise there i guess?
Yes darling.
She's a hypocrite,
he's a hypocrite,
they're hypocrites,
you're a hypocrite,
i'm a hypocrite,
and if you're denying this,
you're the biggest hypocrite
(gaya Jet Black sket hahaha :P..)

But see, what differs tho,
is the level of hypocrisy.
And that's for us to evaluate on our own..

If you think you're on a bit of the high side of it,
and you ain't liking the fact,
Here's a tip for you.

Talk less about others.
Talk less about what you hate or despise.
Talk less about what you're sooooo good at and be all boastful about it.
Talk less about your whole life to people who don't matter.
Talk less about things that you shouldn't be saying.
Talk less about....
ya know whuuttt,
just talk LESS.
THERE hahaha :P

Sometimes, you just say too much, express too much for your own good that it simply attracts many perceptions. Too many that majority of it ain't even true, which would create random assumptions that don't tally with your actions/opinions, thus making YOU the biggest freak ass hypocrite of them all in the eyes of so many people!!! :O :O :O!!

Sape yang susah? Kau jugakk.. Dok berdrama laa, kata org menyibuk nak ambil tau semua pasal hidup kau, bla bla blaa.. hahaha the spot light's on you, and sape pressure? Kau jugakk.. but rethink, sapa yang suluh spotlight tu ke arah kau? who's to be blamed? Who spurred it all first? COME ON!! Answer me!! hahahahhaha i caaan't heaaar uuuuu.. hahahaha Y.O.U. Yes. EXACTLY!! You want that to change, YOU gotta change first.. Hey, im no perfect girl, this goes to me, too. And im not here to tell anyone to do anything. I'm just here to help lol Take it or leave it :D

As for those who think you're on the low bit, feelin' like u gotta raise the hypocrisy baaar a bit higher, KEEEP onnnn hypocrite-ing.
We hate it!

but its nevertheless
of an entertainment,
i must dearly say.. hahahhaha!!!

God Bless! :D

ps: This goes out to everybody. Including myself :) If you feel like its about you from me personally, i'm sorry i made it that way, tapi for the sake of man kind, jangan prasan boleh takk? LOLS :D

Tuesday, January 11, 2011


And this shall wrap up the loveliest birthday ever.. Thank you to all of you who spared a few seconds just to wish me Happy birthday, i appreciated that a whole lot.. thank you to the ellis for the endless support, and of course the wonderful suprise hahaha thank you haidir for the video hahaha :) thank you to my girls Syahirah and Syakirah for the most AWESOME weekend ever.. and for the priceless friendship.. wudn't want my bestfriends to be anybody else :) thank you to my cousins, uncles and aunts :) to Ayah and Mama for.. basically everything.. huhu :') and thank you aisyah, even if you're the only sister i've ever had, i know by heart you'd be the best sister alive anytime.. wudn't want any other ♥

And last but not least, thank you Allah, for providing me with the most lovely company one could ever ask for.. May all of us be blessed by Him always..insyaAllah huhu.. :)

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Last bits of being 21 :(

At the very last bits of my 21st year of living, here are unsaid things to certain people whom i wish to say, but either haven't gotten the time to do so, haven't gotten the chance, or the guts..yet lol So here goes :)

- You are right. You deserve to be happy, and i hope he is making you happy :) If there is a speck of guilt anywhere in there towards me, let it go, for i have made peace with it hehe and plus, i think the both of you make an awesome match, way more awesome than him and i could ever be. But regardless of how he tells you he ain't gonna leave you, or that you're the perfect person for him that he has ever met, don't let them words get to you. I'm not saying he's lying or anything, but its a fact that people come and go whether they like it or not, want to or not, and i think you already know this the hard way? :) Its safer for us girls to keep some cards to ourselves, especially in uncertain situations like this. Take good care of yourself okay? and as for you yourself, remember that you can be whomever you believe you are. So believe in the best, and insyaAllah you'll be at your very best. Haf faith kay :)

- As for you, i have nothing much to say, but thank you. Thank you for everything. You have wonderful people around you especially your siblings, and although you have your own subtle ways of showing that you care, i know you love them very much. But here's the thing, they're not gonna be there forever. So spare some time with them, too. Real quality time, like you used to when we're together. Although they don't show this, too, but i have a feeling that they miss you :) Heard you might be going to Dubai? All the best in that, and in life. Take good care of her, and just.. be happy :)

- I've experienced two weeks of working life, and now i kinda get what you mean when it is a whole bore and you will have no time for anything else. True, exams tade la kan, whoopy for us yang commitee club anti-exams ni hahaha but having to always dragg myself to get out of bed in the morning, and alll exhausted when i reach my room is NOT something to look forward to haha. I'M TERRIFIED!!! But ya know whats good about loonggg boring days like these? It'll only take 5 minutes to flip it into a colourful one. Like the other day, i had a twelve hour session of pure LAB work, and a 30 second look at a fresh viable fetus that was still attached to its placenta just made my day :) Of course you ain't gonna get THAT everyday, but im just saying it ain't impossible hehe. It may be a fetus for me, but it could be a drawing of one of your clothing designs for you, or a song you stumbled on on youtube. It doesn't have to be BIG and bombastic pon. Find these small, priceless moments in your days. Make them significant :) Goooodluck!!

- To clear a mess, find yourself a broom. Not more crap. I dont know you that well, true. But, from afar i say you're wasting your time maximizing the drama that you've already put yourself in. Like i once said, you're young, and there's so many things out there for you to focus on. Now is the time to live YOUR life, focusing on things that will benefit YOU, and your future.. :)

- When you asked me what i want for my upcoming birthday, the only thing that i want from you is to get to know you. Funny how after living with you for 21 years, its still as if i don't know you that much. True, i envy how you can spend quality time with the other two, but we seldom do. It's not wholly your fault. It could be my fault too, for not initiating anything. But regardless of however we are now, i hope you know that I love you soo much. I do. I wish things will get better between us. I've been praying for that everyday..

- The easiest way for good company to turn bad, is with words, or by the things you say. There's also a thin line between joking, and being rude, and its always wise to think first before you make any retarded comments about anything. Sometimes, thats just who you are, and people would just have to accept you the way it is. But it won't hurt to try and minimize the damage that you may cause. No, im not mad at you, but people will start to not take you seriously if you're not careful. Cheers :)

- Truth is darlin', you're one of the most amazing girl i've ever known in my life, and i think its partly that way because of me, too hahaha :P Insecurities is good to have when you wanna improve yourself, but its never good to keep if it kills your self esteem. You're capable of doing so many things, you're capable of being so many things, and all that will happen when you believe in yourself. Its not easy to satisfy everybody. But as long as you're satisfied with yourself, thats all that matters. If you're not satisfied with yourself, do something, and improve. Improve for the better, and towards Him.. tu paling penting. Love you :)
- You. I wish i could go up to you straight, and tell you how i feel about you still, all this while, all these years. Tell you that it all has never left me, not even one bit, even after i let in all these guys after you. I'm not expecting anything to change, nor am i expecting anything from you for i have a huge feeling that it may not be the same for you. But hey, im not sad if it aint the same. I love how things are between us now. Friends like ever, and no awkwardness :) Cuma i dont wanna live thinking of the what ifs. I dont wanna live thinking how things will be otherwise. I'm afraid of regretting not telling you. But i'm also afraid that things may go awkward if i do, and that'll change things. Basically, i'm just not sure what to do. Yes, this is the only case where i still haven't found the guts to tell, yet hahaha hmmph..
- I miss new york.. so much..

- She loves you. Get your own complications straight already, and stop pushing her away. You might regret it for life.

and here's to the rest. This year has opened my eyes to see things in so many different views, and although things hit its worst this year, it has taught me the most compared to the years before. I love the way things are now. I love myself the most now than ever, and i'm alhamdulillah syukur, happy.. huhu :) It couldn't have been posible without the presence of all of you out there, especially friends, BESTfriends, and family, and of course Allah for allowing all of this to happen. Each moment has its own blessing, and that is why to seal a good future, you gotta cherish with what you have now.. Thank you sooo much for everything. May 22 and years to come bring more meaning.. insyaAllah. Doakan la untuk semua ya :)