Wednesday, June 29, 2011

~Okay :)

I do my best to save myself
But I don't have the time to save nobody else
I tune out voices when they talk
I say I care, but Babe, I never walk the walk
I got no job, I got no dream
I'm black or white, but I can't stand the in between

And now I'm confused on top of it all
I was ready to lose, and ready to fall
And there's something about the way that you look at me
It makes it feel okay
You make it feel okay

I'm self-absorbed, and I don't care
I'm all bruised up, and I don't think that life is fair
I build up walls no one can climb
And I tear them down, this process takes up all my time

And now I'm confused on top of it all
I was ready to lose and ready to fall
But then something about the way that you look at me
It makes it feel okay
You make it feel okay

La de da da da ah ah
La de da da da ah ah
Ah ah ah
Ah ah ahhhh ah
La de da da da ah ah
La de da da da ah ah
Ah ah ah
Ah ah ahhhh ah

And now I'm confused on top of it all
I was ready to lose and ready to fall
But then something about the way that you look at me
It makes it feel okay
You make it feel okay
You make it feel okay
You make it feel okay

~here's to mister hong kong! hehe

Sunday, June 26, 2011

~They;ll be tearing us apart, maybe moving us to Mars

Somewhere up above the stars
The wreckage of a universe floats past
Somewhere up above my heart
A tiny little seed is sown, a government is overthrown,
Who knows when we'll be coming home at last

And I heard it on the radio that one day we'll be living in the stars
And I heard it on a TV show that somewhere up above and in my heart
They'll be tearing us apart, maybe moving us to Mars
We won't see the earth again
And the seconds just remain unchanged

8 to 9, 9 to 10
We are meeting for the first time
We might never meet again, you and me
We are meeting for the first time can't you see
7 6 5 4 3
We are meeting for the first time
Singing this space symphony

They'll be tearing us apart, maybe moving us to Mars,
Past the satellites and stars, they're moving us to Mars

Nothing can comfort you like Coldplay can.

And ran, as fast as she can

Swimming her way,
In a sea of confusion,
While asking herself,
Why did it all happen?

Searching her way,
for familiar faces,
Hoping that they,
Would spare her with answers

But familiar faces,
had problems of their own,
Had no time,
for a silly girl

A silly girl,
who's submerged in her own world,
of the shimmering stars,
she wishes to be

So she put on her tracking shoes,
Stormed out the door,
and ran,
as fast as she can

Away from the comfort she depended on,
Away to be alone,
Away to search for clarity,
the answers on her own

As the sun shines upon her,
As she was running,
a warm presence followed her,
wherever she went

Up the hill,
Down the road,
across the small stream,
wherever she went.

And so she stopped running,
and stared at it,
while asking,
who it was.

It stood there,
staring back at her,
in silence,
without a word

and that was when
everything started making sense,
when all confusion,
disappeared into thin air,

that was when,
she found the answers she was looking for,
and was what made her,
smiling to her chubby cheeks once more.

Ayah once said,
it's never wise to be too dependent,
And i shall not allow myself,
to be in such a vulnerable state ever again

When something that confuses you happens,
And it makes you uneasy, always remember that,
you yourself is always your problem,
and you yourself is always your solution

I almost slipped again that day,
But that's what small slips do to you,
They'll make you remember,
of that one great fall you've once experienced

And that presence was destined by God's will,
to be there for the silly girl that day,
That significant presence,
reminded her to not fall again.

It was her shadow that followed her all the way,
And it will always be there,
for as long as she allows a speck of light,
to shine on her, wherever she roams.
Wherever she roams.

Friday, June 24, 2011

~But we are marching, on and on, oh marching

By the magical works of randomness,
i came across this song,
and i do not know why and how,
but it did make me feel like weeping..
lol.. Sappy mode :P
Surely got to the very core, this one..

have a grand saturday you guys! :)

Thursday, June 23, 2011

We're running out of time

Have you ever just wondered sometimes, of the reason why we're here in the first place? Why are we living and breathing God's air? What is life? What is the essence of life?

Ojo did ask me once about the essence of life, and i told him that we're living here to prove something to Allah. To prove our faithfulness to the All-Mighty. And then he asked me again, if thats the case, why this kind of life? Why put us with other people? Why couldn't we be tested in a world where we're alone? The moment he asked that, a sudden surge of random thoughts waved through my mind. And before i could answer his question, he went on with what he thought about it and said,

"I personally think the reason of having each other is so that we can create an impact. We could affect one another in ways that could help and pull as many people as we can to God's path"..

and that got me thinking.

I believe the efforts we make every second of our lives is to achieve the ideal condition we perceive as perfection. And perfection varies among individuals. Whats perfect to me, may not be perfect to you. And whats perfect to you, may not be perfect to me. BUt how would we know whats perfect to us? HOw would we know whats good for us if we're not exposed to other alternatives? If we're not exposed to other examples? How would we know whats right for us if not for the mistakes that have been done before us? With each other, we can.

Life is always simple. It is. Perhaps its not as easy as simplicity might portray it to be, but it is most definitely simple. Its like a drawn picture on a painting canvas u know, framed by the black and white of whats right and whats not. Simple. Whats not easy is for us to colour it in and produce a beautiful picture. Thats the challenge. And we need different colours to do that. We need to understand different colours, different kind of strokes, all working hand in hand for one beautiful picture of perfection. Ojo was right about impact. He was right about helping each other. We need each other. Thats why we were not meant to be alone. But, are we helping each other?

We do help each other. But what ive been noticing is how we tend to help those who are no different from us more than those who are. We set out too many gaps in between us simply to feel secured. To be at comfort. I can't help but to admit, being around those who are like u is comforting. But then you'd only be colouring your canvas with one tone of colour. You won't be able to learn what other colours may offer. You're missing out. And in this short life, you gotta make the best out of it. You cant afford to miss out on anything..

I tend to learn more from ones who are totally different from me. Take my bestfriends as examples, Syahirah, Syakirah, and Elissa. Even by looking at the four of us, people can tell straight away that we're different from one another. Ojo and i are totally different from one another, but ive learned a lot from him. Same goes with my classmates. I learned quite a lot from the chinese and indians. Its because we're different from one another that allows us to complete each other and become better people. Its a golden opportunity! Lemme give you examples. Past year papers. Why must you keep it among your own race? Study groups. Why must it be among the same race? Why? Imagine if these gaps aren't there, and we're here to help each other, everybody, as a whole. Imagine the things we would achieve by now. Our whole class might excel altogether instead of just a group of us. Wouldn't that be something awesome?

Unfortunately, many of us are blinded by our comfort zones, or perhaps afraid to step out. What are we afraid of? Others taking advantage on us? Reality check number one. Get down the pedestal and open your eyes. There are other bigger fish to catch out there, together, than being paranoid of people wanting to take advantage on you. Reality check number two, Before u come up with stupid assumptions like these, have you ever taken the right time to get to know these other people first? no. Instead you go with the effed up mentality thats been inherited eversince cavemen found fire, and decided to prolong that. Reality check number 3, if you're gonna blame the government for this, i say you're as stupid as how you portray the gov is being, no offence. I simply dont see the logic in this at all.

We live to build bridges, not walls. We live to learn. We live to prove. And living with each other is an advantage. Lets start taking it as one. we're running out of time.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

You can never replace anyone

I've been watching a whole lot of movies lately. Before Sunset was one of them, played by Ethan Hawke. I wouldn't say its anything bombastic, the whole movie was about these two characters talking to each other after 10 years of not meeting each other. And when i say the movie was about these two characters TALKING, i do really mean just TALKING lol. But the content of their conversation is something everybody can relate to i think, and there were a few things the girl said that made me go somethin' like, "hey, i actually feel the same way!" lol. The girl in that movie, Celine, said.. "You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made up of such beautiful specific details"

Yes, here's another relationship-related post, so no need to wear your brain boaster caps today lol :P When i heard that line, it made me think of my past relationship affairs. They're no longer with me, true, and everytime i meet someone new, they'll always be better than the previous ones, but none of them can really replace any one of them. Not as a whole. I feel like writing about them this time, just to record it down lol

Mister ACT

Ahh this guy haha He just caught my attention the very first glance i had on him lol. Instant reaction lol. He's most definitely the funniest crush i've ever had. I dont think anyone i've met can ever top him in that particular trait. And it was with him, that i kinda had my teenage-depressing-puppy love epic hahahaha we used to swap things, me and him, it was not defined by any status or anything, it was never definite lol always beyond the clouds, along with 'what ifs' and unsureness. But everything was just simple though. But perhaps too simple became the problem too and So yea, things didn't work out. But one thing i do admire about this dude, is his heart. He has that pure, naive, untainted heart that just shines over everybody around him. A kind of shine, no other can replicate. hmm.. :)

The Jock

A skinny kind of jock, yes hahaha! But i dont think he's skinny any more :P This dude, had the looks, he's an athlete, a basketball star but def not a nerd if you know what i mean. He ain't a nerd back in the school days, but he is one now i think. He's doing pretty well, too. I can't be anymore proud of him. We started off as best friends for like 4 years or so, and i guess its coz he's my best friend that things just kicked off on its own lol. And he would be THE PERSON, i've had my longest phone conversation with in my whole entire life. Yes. There was once, we talked from like 10pm till 6 in the morning bahaha yea, 0.001% of what NSTP had to pay that month would be the bills for this :P He's also the one i've had my longest relationship with, and that was just like a year and a half. Yes, i haven't been that successful in relationship wise, if ya know what i mean. It ain't about options though, that has never been a problem. But they just dont stay long ya know? I dont stay long lol. So we didn't make it till the end. But what i do like in him though, is his humble-ness. After years of knowing him, i've never heard anything boastful coming from him. Not one single thing. And he'd always consider what his family thinks of things before he proceeds with anything. He rarely proceeds without his family's consent, and thats something i dont see in everybody ya know. we're good friends, still. Same
goes with mister ACT, and i feel grateful to still have them around :)

The young boy with huge ambitions

Truthfully, there weren't many 'check's on my check list for this guy on our first meet. If we were to meet, just like that, i wouldn't say i'll be attracted to him. But what actually did though, was how he appreciated me in the begining. He speaks of me as if i'm something sacred, like i'm so special to him. And I knew he wasn't lying, and to know someone can appreciate me that way, was just.. i dont know how to say this huhu. And i think i fell in love with that idea more than in him too much for my own good huhu.. won't be getting that with just anybody. Of course, that faded, it only lasted for like a month or so, and the remaining time together was just trying to keep at par with that. we did't work out at all, and that cost me the worst depression of my life lol. ANd he's the only ex that i'm no longer close with. And i think its better that way :) Still, thats one trait i find hard to be replaced by just anybody.

Dr Cheesy

bahaha i love teasing him :) and no, he ain't one of my exs. I'm not gonna say much about this one here coz there's a need for anticipation-building in this one hahaha :P But, just so he knows, i knew he was irreplaceable as well, the moment he left me four years ago :)

And as for the rest of the dudes on my list that i didn't mention, you guys are special in your ways too. But if i were to talk about you guys as well, i might have like a novel or somethin lol. OKay, not that there are THAT many.. but u know how i tend to not stop once i start blabbering.. yea lol.

"I feel I was never able to forget anyone I’ve been with. Because each person had their own… specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost. Each relationship, when it ends, really damages me. I never fully recover. That’s why I’m very careful with getting involved, because… It hurts too much..Even getting laid… I actually don’t do that… I will miss of the person the most mundane things. Like I’m obsessed with LITTLE THINGS. Maybe I’m crazy but… when I was a little girl, my mom told me that I was always late for school. One day she followed me to see why… I was looking at chestnuts falling from the trees rolling on the sidewalk, or ants crossing the road… the way a leaf cast a shadow on a tree trunk… LITTLE THINGS. I think it’s the same with people. I see in them little details, so specific to each of them, that move me, and that I miss, and… will always miss. You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made of such beautiful specific details."

- Before Sunset
Have an awesome wednesday! ;)

Monday, June 20, 2011

~I have your love on call, and yet my day is not so full

I ran away from you
That's all I ever do
And though I started here
I ran away from you

I'm gonna come on in
And see it through

I ran away from you
That's all I ever do

And when I heard you call to
Come back to me
And though I should stay
I don't have the stomach to

Everyone I know
Says I'm a fool to mess with you
Everyone I know
Says it's a stupid thing to do

I have your love on call
And yet my day is not so full
There might be nothing left to do
So I ran away from you

I'm gonna come on in
My eyes are closed

I can feel it there
The sun's so close
I'm gonna come on out
And burn the sky

A star arose in my own cage
I'm stuck in line
And in a cage

Just a single star
I sing for

Everyone I know
Says I'm a fool to mess with you
Everyone I know
Says it's a stupid thing to do

I have your love on call
And yet my day is not so full
And I did not know what to do
And so I ran away from you


Sunday, June 19, 2011

Berangan at 4am in the morning lol :P

Sekarang ni musim kawen ke macamane eh? Ive gotten like tonnes of wedding invitations just for these two months alone lol. And since it seems like this wedding frenzy is drizzling over everybody, i can't help but to get a little wee bit wet myself lol.

I was thinking of the gifts they give during weddings actually. Not that i'm materialistic or anything, but don't u think they're kinda generic? LIke most of the gifts they give each other are the saaaameeee in any other wedding. Dah boleh agak dah atas dulang hantaran tu ada apa. Kek, patu bakul buah, designer shoes, designer wallets/belts/perfumes, skin care products, lol. Macam laaamee je haha The most coolest 'hantaran' that i've come across pon is a sony's play station 3s. So what would i want on them hantaran trays instead, you ask? Good question. and itll be my pleasure to answer :)

See, for me, instead of gifts like that, which i would most probably prefer to buy myself rather than having the groom to buy them for me, i'd like it if its a bit different. For example, like one of them, could be tickets to the North to see the Northern Lights! Yeah! hahaha that wouldn't cost much i think. Even a half sponsored ticket would do lol :P

And another of em trays could be like a journal or a book HE wrote about his experience of this whole thing. Or a letter. Or something thats written by himself. Anything! He could even draw something, and i'd appreciate that even more than a gucci handbag even if my 5 year old cousin can draw better than him hahaha :P

If he's like bloody rich, and if say he's budgetting to give me a car which is also another normal thing to do, i'd appreciate him if he doesn't proceed with that. I can live with my kembara haha. Instead, 1/3 of that money could go to buying me a new grand piano!! Wait, or perhaps music gadgets that could help me record better music on my own and mash my piano sounds with other sounds, yes! hahahaha and the other 2/3rds could be paying my membership fees for magazines like DISCOVER (i freakin' love DISCOVER magazine), or the National Geographic magazine, or perhaps membership fees into international organisations like WHO, or EASD, or IBMS.. or support my conference fees to some very interesting program or training that would occur around that year. ANd he could come along too! hahaha or memberships to those organisations that goes around the world to help the hopeless refugees.. or perhaps cancer organisations.. WWF, you know? that kind of thing. That would be cool :)

Skin care products, i can live with that. I do need help in curing my acne problems anyway, and if he wants me to look all barbie-perfect, he could help me out with that department. Thatd be fair enough, no? lol (and its also coz i dont think i'd spend my own money for it mainly because it doesn't matter to me thaaat much. Id rather spend it on something else. But i know he wouldn't wanna be walking next to a rag lol so yea).

If he's thinking of buying me a house, (again, this is IF he IS bloody rich), i say, sure. Buy a house, here, in Coleraine. But it wouldn't be for me. Itd be for my parents :) The house wouldn't need to be so huge. A small one would do. But the land has to be huge. Massive laid out fields, and yet, near the sea where the beautiful cliffs are. yupp..

He wouldn't need to get me wallets, watches, shoes and all that. I can get them myself. But you know, he could get me a beautiful kitten, for our new house, and everything else that it would need to start off with. Like the litter box, injections, food supply for a year.. hahaha yes. :D that wouldn't be so hard to manage, now would it?

Anddd i'll be happy with just that :) The rest of the money, he cn keep for future plans hehe. I'm just saying, whatever it is that he gives me, its more significant to me if there is a strong purpose to it ya know? LIke a huge meaning to it. Shoes, wallets, watches, yea, they're cool, but, so what?? But if you give me a kitten instead, one, you're giving me something that i know i'd love lol, and two, you went with the crazy idea regardless of how stupid it may sound in the begining, making you different and more significant to me, and three, its just cool! lol

Aye, i am dreaming a wee bit off the top here, but hey, dreams are suppose to be a wee bit off the top anyway lol. Lets see what'll happen hahaha enjoy your sunday!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

2. Catch an Irish musical show, live

2. Catch an Irish musical show,


Went to visit the Dunluce Castle today,
and guess what we found among the ruins?
Two irish musicians playing tunes i've always
wanted to hear and witness live ever since i was a kid!
They even let me play on it as well.
Awesome experience!

Friday, June 17, 2011

~Ain't no road too long!

I used to watch this movie like 10 times everyday when i was 3 to 5 years of age lol. And to be listening to the songs again, they're kinda motivating, especially this one. Am dedicating this to Ayah. Happy Father's Day! Love you so much :)

Waylon jennings: so you are the bird on the run huh?

Big bird: oh yeah! and i can't wait to get back to my real home on sesame street! i figure i can walk back there in oh about uh three hours.

Jennings: three hours? more like three weeks buddy.

Big bird: three weeks? oh no! i'll never get home.

Jennings: sure you will. you just gotta keep going. pick up your feet and follow your beak.

Big bird: oh i don't know.

Jennings: listen to me son.


I found out a long time ago

You gotta learn to say "yes" when life says "no"

Don't dwell on the bad times once they're past

That kind of thinking gets you nowhere fast

'cause there ain't no mountain you can't climb

If you hang on tight and just make up your mind

Once you set your heart to movin' on

Son there ain't no road too long

(gordon olivia and cookie monster are in a yellow volkswagen looking for big bird. gordon is driving. they're all singing unless it says otherwise.)

Gordon: don't look back; don't you turn around!

Olivia: just keep your eye on where you're bound!

Gordon and olivia: and you're bound to get from here to there
'cause a dream can take you anywhere!

Cookie monster (spoken): oh! take me to cookies!

Super grover: 'cause there ain't no mountain you can't climb

If you hang on tight and just make up your mind

Count von count: and once you set your heart to moving on hut hut

Then there is no road too long!

(spoken) and you can count the telephone poles! one telephone pole two telephone poles three telephone poles four telephone poles!

(oscar is driving maria and telly in his sloppy jalopy. maria is looking at a road map.)


Maria: oscar this isn't route 12!
Oscar : picky picky picky.
Telly: oh no!
Maria (as the sloppy jalopy lurches down a rolling field): oh oh!
Oscar: i never promised you a rose garden!

(ernie is piloting bert in an airplane as they look for big bird)

Ernie: oh we're gonna find him all right bert!
Bert: yeah.
Ernie: hey you remember what color he is?
Bert: what?
Ernie: he's yellow!
Bert: ernie!

(ernie laughs and flies right over the truck without seeing big bird!)

Big bird: 'cause there ain't no mountain you can't climb

If you hang on tight and just make up your mind!

And once you set your heart to movin' on

Yeah there ain't no road too long

Jennings: ain't no mountain you can't climb!

Big bird (spoken): that's right!
Jennings: if you hang on tight and just make up your mind!
Big bird (spoken): uh huh!
Jennings: once you set your heart to movin' on!
Big bird (spoken): sing it!
Jennings: there ain't no road too long!
There ain't no road too long!
Big bird: there ain't no road too long!
Jennings: no there ain't no road too long!
Big bird (spoken): you're right! if i just keep on going everything will turn out fine.

Your Neighbourhood NERD :P

Another scene at the tissue culture room again yesterday. Mohamed, Najwa, Dinesh and I were talking and waiting for Ojo when THE question pop up. cGPA. Daayem, i hate that question lol. The two of them were asking Najwa whats her cGPA, and when the question got to me, as usual, i refuse to answer. And then Dinesh said something that just, blew my mind away hahaha it went something like,

Dinesh: "What did she get? She must be very intelligent."

Mohammed: "Yeah, im guessing she got something like 3.8?"

Dinesh: "Yea, she seems like a nerd"

---- and i gave a very surprising,
"Whatchu said?!???? NERD???"---

Lol!!!!!! and i started laughing. But apparently, i was the only one laughing. The rest were looking at me, with a grin, but their eyes were serious. They were effin' serious about it!! Holy smack! lol. If only they knew i'm no Eistein, that'll like blow their minds kot. I guess i am emitting too much of the nerdy aura don't i? It must be the orange glasses. Whut chu say? It aint? Its me? ahhh bugger, shut up yous.. lol!! OKay fine, perhaps i am nerdy. No wait, I AM a nerd. And you know what? I am kinda proud of it bhahahaha!

I'd rather people take me as a nerd, than someone who's popular and who has everything that she needs coz thats just total bull. I'm not popular, people just know me. And i dont have everything i need. I earn for the things that i need, i dont just get them like as if they fall from the sky or somethin'. Its rather unpleasing to be hearing people tellin' me, "Oh you're so lucky!" or "oh you daddy''s girl". Hey, i work my ass off to get to where-ever i am that you guys see i am okayy.. lol.

I was in the laboratory yesterday, till like 9pm or so. Mohammed and Najwa went like around 6. Ojo went home like aroun 7, Vikas and claire around 8:30pm, and i was seriously alone in the whole Diabetis department, doing my report and a wee bit of Fb-ing, just a wee bit hahaha. And for the last half an hour that i spent in the lab alone, my mind started to analyse things. Is this the kind of life that i want in the future? I looked around and grin.

Yes. This is exactly where i want to be. At a centre where things are being discovered, where people are so passionate about gaining new knowledge rather than power or money. Where its soo far away from distraction, where you're surrounded by natural beauty. And here you are, alone, doing your work, happilly even if it means to sacrifice your own resting time. I was happy. I am happy alhamdulillah. Yea, things aren't all good all the time, i did get a few setbacks this week, a number of emotional breakdowns, but ya know, nothing is unmanageable if you put your mind to it. And plus, things would be boring if its all FINE through out the whole way, if ya know what i mean lol. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for giving me such an opportunity. I shall miss this place so much.

Its been two nights that i stayed up till 4 in the morning to perfect my executive summary for my industrial training report, and now that i'm done with it, I must say, i am quite satisfied with it. Alhamdulillah.. :) Have an awesome friday you guys!

sincerely from your neighbourhood NERD haha :P

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Ramblings at 1am in the morning

We were in the tissue culture room again, today, and Najwa and I were observing Ojo splitting and seeding cells into the 96 well plates for intracellular calcium test and membrane potential test. There we were, watching live cells being split again and again into different flasks, there we were, witnessing the capability of these cells living on their own, outside of the body, all intact and functioning like the normal pancreatic cells, producing insulin. They were like pets, where we'd have to let them grow and feed them and clear their waste, and what not lol.

And after a moment of starring at the cells, a spark of sense lit up the dark eerie alleys of neuron-ville lol. If these cells can live independently, like this, if we could manage to crack the code of the exact chemistry that happened during gestation to its very last detail, from the moment of fertilization, till the very end which includes cell signalling transduction pathways and stuff, if we manage to replicate the conditions of a mother's womb, supply it with all these different cell lines and the nutrients needed, if all of this is possible, would it then, be possible for us to produce an adult sized human body? Something tells me, we're very much close to that. We've been coming up with in-vitro clones of various animals, organs, and tissues now, have we not?
Nothin' much new there.

But then, regardless of how well we manage to replicate the human body, it would still be an empty vessel, it wouldn't come to life. Which brings us to the heart of the curiosity here, why must it be that way? When one soul enters a body, the body starts to function. It'll come to life. Obviously, logically, with just that example alone, we know our souls emit some kind of energy. But what kind? And why is it gone when its no longer there? How does it disappear? Why must it disappear when the body dysfunctions at a certain level? How does it happen? Why do we need such energy to function a human body, let alone any kind of organism, when the basic building blocks of it (cells) are well and alive? What does it trigger, really? MasyaAllah..

Some say, dgn kuasa Allah, things are as they are just because. Others may say, with science, everything can be explained. Well, i would have to agree with both views. I strongly believe, it is of Allah's will to make things the way it is, butttt not to be left alone like that just for us to gain pleasure from it, instead, they're there for us to figure out, understand, and appreciate His works as well. And one way of achieving such understanding, is through science. I wonder if somewhere in the near future holds the answers to these questions. And if yes, what else would we be able to achieve with the massive information that we've gained?

I'm rather weird in so many ways, i know. I haf all these looney ideas in my mind, that sometimes, i'm just too much up there ya know, that it scares me. I could feel the burning desire of wanting to understand things, of wanting to see different things, of wanting to discover things, raging deep in my heart. Its too strong that sometimes, i feel too overwhelmed by it, that it could even bring me to tears lol. Yea, its pretty much effed up lol. But what isn't nowadays huh? :P

I even question myself sometimes, will i ever find that chance to appreciate a guy and be passionate towards him as passionate as i am towards all this? I feel like theres a huge possibility i might be cheating on whomever with science bahahahah weyyy, bapak nerdy gilaaa aku ni.. but im not kidding. And not only that, would there actually be a guy out there who'd find me as THE one for him after knowing beyond my piano skills, beyond whomever i end up to be, beyond any rankings, or my english accent lol, or my basketball skills, beyond all of that, that i'm just an ordinary, too much of a nerdy, chubby girl, who's heart is so caught up into wanting to see, understand, and discover Allah's creations? lol. It would be one of Allah's miracles to me if there is somebody meant for me, who appreciates me simply for who i am, and not for what i am huhu :)

Yes, i'm just rambling on random thoughts tonight. The whole week has been productive, yet exhausting physically, mentally, and emotionally lol. But meh, everything is manageable if you put your mind to it ;) I think thats enough of ramblin' for one night. I shall leave you readers at peace now haha thank you for reading!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

~Set my world on fire

You say you need me then you dont,
I say I'll leave you but I wont,
we all wanna be free but not alone.

So off you go just like before,
I hear you slam the taxi door,
Hope you find what your looking for

I know I'm doing wrong, yes I know I'm doing wrong,
cos I can feel you in my heart, every time we part

You set my world on fire
I love you more every day
you can run you can run but don't stay long
I love you more every day

You set my world on fire
and I don't care what you say
you can run you can run but don't be long
Find More lyrics at
I love you more every day
what more can I say
(set my world on fire)
and I don't care, I don't care what you say
I love you more, I love you more every day.

There's still that smell you always wear
just hangs like silence in the air
holds court when you're not even there

Nobody has to understand
we hold our hearts within our hands
sometimes it's more than we can stand

Monday, June 13, 2011

Everybody breaks down at some point

All you need to be
to feel better,
is alone

I miss my bestest friend

Its been exactly a month now,
Here, in Corelaine,
And tonight would be the first time,
I couldn't help myself,
but to miss my bestest friend.

I miss his silly jokes,
I miss his heavy conversations of life,
I miss his quirky smile,
I miss how he makes sound effects when he tells me stories,
I miss how his eyes would buldge out,
and his brows would bunch up,
whenever he's mad.

I miss how he could tell straight away,
of how i'm feeling even without me telling,
or showing him,
or sad.

I miss how he could come to my room past midnight,
just to check how i am,
I miss how he'll wait for me to watch one of my dvds with him,
I miss how he would take time after work to send me dinner at my campus,
Sometimes, i just wanted to see him ya know,
nothing much to do with dinner really..

I miss how he'll listen to me,
every single story that i have.
I miss how he looks after me,
I feel protected.

I wish he was here,
I know he'd love to see this place,
I know he'll appreciate it,
I wish i could capture all of this,
for him to see,
to experience,
i know it'll make him happy.

I'm tearing so badly now lol,
If only he could read this :)

I miss you ayah,
so so much.. huhu
Remember how i cried on my first bus to kmkn?
Its definitely happening again, now lol :')
Gahh.. i need to sleep lol
Good night readers :)
oh and sorry for the emotional post lol.

Sunday, June 12, 2011


And this was what inspired me to write the post before about home.
I will miss this place so much.
It aches to know i only haf 5 more weeks left of it.


Where the hills are,
Where the valleys meet,
Where the fields end with cliffs,
Cliffs shooting down to the rocky depths of the roaring sea

Where the clouds are thick,
where the winds blow hard,
into the Irish pipes,
with violin strings,
playing harmoniously,
it soothes the heart

where a stream flow supporting life,
across the wide open land,
that changes colours every time the sun hits it at different angles,
dark blue,

where a small cottage is in sight,
walls of faded white paint, with red window seals,
and a moldy grey rooftop,
and laughter of the young and old

where a young lady stands,
as her dark hair takes flight,
on the wind blowing against her face,
making her eyes squint,
fighting the icy breeze

Where a young lady stands
in an old fashioned dress,
gazing beyond the hills,
beyond the valleys,
beyond the seas,
into the horizon,
and thinking,
this is where she should be,

this is home.
My home.

1. Learn how to play the Tin Whistle

1. Learn How To Play the Tin Whistle


and it was super fun! Although, it didn't sound nethin' like how the Corrs played it,
but at the very least,
i did manage to accomplish that.
Hooray! :D

Saturday, June 4, 2011

I think i have a thing for Vin Diesel

For the past 36 hours, I have managed to take a test where two questions got in my way of getting Vikas’s satisfaction of a full mark, daang I was close! And then I cooked fish curry which def got najwa’s satisfaction and mine lol, had a lovely conversation with a cab driver who’ve stayed in New York City for 21 years, watched Thor, Fast Five, and Insidious, ANDDDDDDD to successfully journeyed myself into a complete state of sleep deprivation. Yup, I’m practically zombified. But hey, it’s Friday, I know I’ll be spending more time with my ponies and rainbows over the weekend, so I’ll get back at it in no time.

A lot of things happened this week though, that when it is time to self-reflect, there’s just too much to reflect on, (to be frank with you, I’m not quite sure what I’ll be writing about just yet. I’m just typing away, and so if the points seem pointless, my baad :P). I was talking to Ojo yesterday, and there was this one particular point where he said he couldn’t understand how people could get depressed. Everything is set for us, God would always be there for us, yet why do people still go through this thing call depression? The moment he mentioned the D word, my mind took a flight of its own to my dark times when I had to go through something alike. My own depression.

Of course, I’m not gonna elaborate on what happened, why, and how I felt and stuff, if you’re interested to know, do browse for my September or October posts last year lol. You’ll get the idea of the gloomy age I had to go through :P But now, months after all of that, and to be reflecting back, all the moments where I thought I was lost, with no direction to go, all of that sparks some kind of sense now. And when Ojo asked why people had to go through depression despite of everything that they still have, there’s one word to it. Purpose.

Everything has a purpose. Allah is wise, He wouldn’t put us through hardships or even good times without purpose. And to be frank with you, being at a state of depression, is an opportunity. As a matter of fact, be it any kind of state. It doesn’t really matter. When you’re happy, or when you’re sad, or when you’re hard working, all of these different situations, offers their own opportunities, and for us to be amongst the opportunities, is our chance to grab it, and that’s the purpose of being there in the first place. I went through depression, and I got something in return. U learned a better understanding of things, a better picture of me. I got a chance to appreciate things that I already have and things that I’m bound to have even more. You wouldn’t get that kind of opportunity to realize such a thing when everything is all happy and wonderful for you.

You know when you’re facing something bad, and you tell other people about it, and they would most probably be saying things like, not to worry, things will be get better soon? Well, after reading the article of how people leave and would they ever return, it stated in there something like, these hardships you face wouldn’t just benefit you in the future, but at that particular moment itself is being beneficial to you . That article, to combine with what I’ve just said previously of how it all had purpose, and how everything holds opportunities, it makes sense.

So where am I getting to with all this? (hahaha here’s the part where things get disoriented :P). I guess I just want to point out that, it is totally fine to be depressed, and that you’ll gain something different in a situation like that, compared to not being depress at all. You’ll see things at a different angle, and that is good for you, like swimming in the deep blue ocean without knowing where to go, that’s how depression feels to me. But hey, if you keep swimming, you’ll be bound to bump into something sooner or later, and it’ll be all worth it. So keep swimming, and don’t give up. Open your eyes while you’re at it, analyze what surrounds you and learn. Every particular moment of life is for you to learn. Even when you’re depressed. Learn from it. Make your time worthwhile.

Ojo said, people get depressed when all hope is lost. I say, people who face depression is at a point of great opportunity to revive and find hope that’ll change their lives. Great hope.

Ps: and yes, Vin Diesel, with his voice and his attitude, is just sooo effin’ HOT!! Biar la nampak tua ke ape ke, hot weyh!! HOT!!!!! Hahahahaha :P oh and kok pei, If you’re reading this, there’s a bunch of Chinese dudes living at the opposite building of ours, anddd they’re quite okay looking lol. Most probably from hong kong or shang hai or somethin’. Not sure if they’re gay though, just wanted you to know lol ;)