I guess you can say that i'm in a state of depression at the moment.
Nothing new there,
I mean come on, its like freakin' obvious??
But you know,
I've gained quite a sight by being this way,
It has opened my eyes to a whole new scenery,
and it usually happens thru random moments.
Yesterday for example, i had music class. The class was at 10:45, and i came a bit early as usual, around 10:30. When i came, Ken was in the room, playing a classical piece on his guitar.. and the moment i heard him play (i seldom hear him play a classical piece), it reminded me again of how i love classical pieces, songs which no one listens to lol. I mean, at one point within the past few months, i'll be honest with you. I almost gave that interest up, not because i don't love it, but because no one does the same, and people find me boring. Yes, i've been losing myself since months ago.. lol. But at that very moment, when i heard him play, that doubt that i had disappeared at an instance, and this may sound cheesy, but i felt lucky to be able to appreciate such beautiful sounds.. haha So what if others couldn't do the same? So what if you find me boring? i find it a unique-ness of mine :P and at that instance, the passion to play just came back to me, and i'm all into classical guitar again :) It reminded me of the main reason why i was there, and it was for myself. No one else but myself.
Later that evening, i got a call from a darlin' tart :) So happens that her mom invited my sister and I to her aunt's open house. It was so random, but i went with it anyway, and this brought us all the way to seri kembangan. I was nervous in a way, apparently, these people know me, or at least, they've heard of me huhu. There, i met with her family. Her aunts and uncles, cousins lol. But one of them really caught my attention. Heidi (i dont know how its spelt), they call her. This girl has attitude! hahaha its the kind of attitude where everything has to go her own way, and she responds to other people with such bitterness haha, yeaa, some may find it annoying, i would understand why lol, but the only thing i felt when i met this girl, was pure amazement. Here's a kid, who didn't care what others think of her, acts in her own world, voices out whatever thats on her mind, in which ever way she wants regardless of the circumstances, and she'll face those circumstances with a strong front. I miss having that freedom. To be bold. To just do things for your own self. Not that we can't be that way, but as we mature, we tend to consider more things, sometimes too much for our own good. Kan? Lemme give you an example. When i was young, at the age of 11 back in ny, the moment the clock struck 5 during the summer, i hurriedly perform my prayers, patu terus keluar pegi main. I didn't care about anything else, all i knew at that time, was to go out, and play. Now, kalau nak pegi mana2, macam2 kena pikir. Bazir minyak tak? Ada masa ke? Family mesti nak kita kat rumah to spend time with them.. this and thaat.. last2, teros tak jadi hahaha. I guess, as we grow older, more matured is the better way of saying it lol, we can't afford to be that bold, we will lose that luxury to be that selfish, bit by bit.. Bummer huh? Well, don't give up hope just yet. Maybe it is too late to be bold as a 10 year old now, but it is not too late to be bold as a 21 year old. It may not be as bombastic as how Heidi struts it (oh boy, i envy her lol :P), but its waay more bombastic to be bold now than in ten years time, when we start to have a family, work, more obligations.. no space to be bold lol. Now is the time to do things for yourself, to define yourself. Now is the time to try things, experience new turnings, gain knowledge. Now is the time to test yourself, your own true self. Now is the time to be by yourself! To put yourself first before any one else. Coz if you dont, you never will, and forever will you not discover a hidden wonder :)
the moment i reached home, my mom greeted me with an instruction as usual lol, and she asked me to deliver food to one of our neighbours, and so i went after maghrib. There, i met with the auntie and her kids, and also the auntie's mom. An very old lady, whom i think have lost some of her marbles. Every time when i meet her, she would say the same thing, "Cuu, selamat hari raya cuu.. lawa cuu ni, putih2 hehehehe" hahahaha! :P Oh come on, its my blog anyway :P But regardless of her sanity, she is one of the most pleasant ladies i have ever met. She asked me what i may be when i grow up, i told her something scientific.. and she told me to be a pilot instead, as there are not that many girls doing that. Either that, or join the army.. hahahahha goodness.. Piloting, i can consider. Army? mehh :P So i chatted with her, and all of a sudden, she asked me to play the piano. Yes, they have an old piano at home, and the piano sounded beautifully awesome. I wish i have a real piano, a grand piano.. but i wanna buy it with my own money one day.. oh wow, hahaha it'll be one of the first furnitures i'll buy for my future house! cheyyy :P So this grandma kept requesting songs, and i played as she sang along.. lagu P ramlee semua keluar haha she laughed and smiled, as if she really enjoyed it.. the whole family did. Not to be boastful but the granddaughter felt like crying hearing me play lol.. And I like that feeling. That feeling of having the capability to effect someone in a good way.. I'm not saying im a good pianist, i'm not. As a matter of fact, i dont really know how to play.. But i'm glad with how much that i can play, i can make others feel better :) and to see that grandma laugh and smile that way was totally the highlight of my day.. I felt like crying at that instance itself.. huhu.. at that very moment, i felt grateful and i am still grateful to Him for showing me all this. For allowing me to have what i have now.. For allowing me to be who i am.. i wudn't be any better as anyone else huhu Things on earth won't last forever, i know, but for as long as i have whatever i have with me, i shall try my best to put them to good use for as long as i can.. When i was about to leave, I salam the grandma, and she said to me,
"Cuu, cuu ngaji elok2 eh cuu.. hehehe tok akan doakan cuu.. asmara2 tu ketepikan je cuu.. takmo semua2 tu ehh?"huhu.. if i could be as bold as Heidi time tuh, i would have hugged the nenek and cried.. hmm :)
Funny how random things can affect you..