Friday, July 15, 2011

It seems all too precious now :)

Have you ever wondered why you like the things you like? Like, say you have deep cravings for a particular something, or like you have this very prominent hatred towards this something.. and when someone asks why... the utmost reasonable answer you can come up with is that that is just how you are. Who decides how you should be in the first place? Did we actually get to choose when we're young? Or is it simply genetics and environmental influence to be blamed for? lol

Well say if you get to choose what to like, and what to not like, are there any traits of yours that you'd like to trade in for a new one? There i was, waiting for the retention time of my peptide, and out of nowhere this question just simply pop in mind. Would there be any traits that i'd wanna trade in for another? hmm..

There is one, in particular. And that is sensitivity. Yup, perhaps it would be nice to be a wee bit more insensitive towards things sometimes. Its like this HPLC machine right in front of me yea.. if you turn on the sensitivity a wee bit too high, it'll be soo sensitivie that even small readings are detected as something significant and worth to look at lol. Sure, you'll get a better picture of things, you'll understand things much clearer maybe, and you wudn't be missin' out on any of the details.. but sometimes, its just a waste of time having to cater to them ya know? Especially when there's no beneficial achievement from it in the end.

I got it from me momma, this sensitivity trait, or at the very least, i think thats where it came from. I used to be insensitive when i was younger. Oh yes i was, and considering that was not how my mom roll, i got into a whole lot of trouble because of it lol. For example, she would know all these small mistakes that i do, ya know? She could hear me turning on the tele when im not suppose to be, like 2km away! And whenever i say the wrong things, or gave the wrong impression towards my aunts and uncles at gatherings, i'll be in for a loooonngggg pep talk after that from her alright. She'll say somethin' like, "Kamu ckp macam tu kat org kenapa? Kan disrespectful..." blaa blaa blaa.. lol, when compared to my other cousins, their parents would simply laugh it out and that'll be the end of it. So ive learnt to adapt. I had to adapt to avoid myself getting scolded at. I've learnt to be very observant so that i will avoid myself from getting into a lot of trouble hahaha. But see, indirectly, i've taught myself to take note of the little things, and that is taking its toll on me at the moment.

Now that i'm big enough to be makin' my own decisions, I've become too observant for my own good. I take these petty things into consideration when others don't necessarily do so, and thats not fun sometimes. Not fun at all. It'll annoy you, but you can't blame anyone coz its your own doing.. Its like, say you're eating at a table with friends yea.. and you've been taught by your mom to always use the spoon whenever you get your dishes.. and then you'll be having all these friends of yours, crowding at the table, and using their hands and fingers instead... which has nothing wrong to it, but because you've been trained to not do so, it'll annoy you. And thats only like a small tiny weeny portion of it. It can get worse. It can make you feel a whole lot worse. Like when people say the wrong things, or when they do not say the right things at the right time, by YOUR book and YOUR book ONLY.. it sucks.. Coz you are annoyed by it, it bothers you, but you can't let that annoyance out coz no one would understand but you.. And you'll be noticing too many for your own good as well, making you build all these assumptions, or specific expections for yourself. Its just so damn tiring is all.. huhu

But there'll always be two sides to a coin. Always. And i've had a taste of the advantages towards being all sensitive and what not. Really. For one thing, i dont get into much trouble see. And sometimes i get credited for noticing the little things hahahahaha which is fun. People take it like as if i was doing some magic trick or somethin' lol.. which is cool.. its nice to make others feel good, ya know? And thats how it pays back.. its also one of the similar things that i share with my mom. And i'm kinda proud to be inheriting it. And because of this high sensitivity trait, i think i understand my mom in a certain way that nobody else does. I don't need to be talking to her, and yet i understand exactly how she feels at every moment. I just have that feeling. Perhaps all that triumph and strife to adapt did pay off. Not only did it make me sensitive, it made me understand my mom better. It grew on me.

Now that i've laid everything out, i might not be that sure about wanting to trade that particular trait in afterall. It seems all too precious now hahahaha. Oh well. My flight to London is tomorrow. I'm gonna miss Northern Ireland so dearly.

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